A young couple, each in their teens, decides to marry. The parents have serious misgivings, doubt the wisdom of the decision and counsel against it. Friends, remembering when the parents married, remark, "What can they say? They married when they were teen-agers."

A young man begins to drive the car. He speeds, receives traffic tickets, and may lose his license. The father warns and even punishes. But dad's old friends respond, "What can he say? That's exactly how he drove as a teen-ager."

Two teenagers want to go dancing and mom and dad object at first but then reason, "Oh well, what can we say? We danced when we were that age."

Under these and many similar circumstances this "what can they/we say?" sentiment is often heard. There might be more unwise and foolish statements to make at such times but right now I can't think of any. Stop for a moment and examine just what is being said and the logical, consistent consequences of such remarks. Do we mean to say that we can never warn, rebuke, or even punish our children in regard to the same mistakes we made? Are we inferring that the mistakes we, as parents, made in the past have now become the legitimate excuses for our children to use in make the same mistakes? Do we think we can only speak up or act whenever our children have done some foolish or wrong thing we didn't do? I don't think we intend to leave such impression with this "what can they/we say?" statement but I don't know what other meanings can be attached to it.

What can they say? They can and they had better say plenty! It may be embarrassing for parents to admit to, in the presence of their children, certain things done in the past that were foolish or wrong. It perhaps seems "unfair" for parents to warn against and rebuke certain conduct and to refuse to allow their children to do some of the things that they, the parents, did and may, in the immature judgment of the child, seem hypocritical. And, even though mom and dad's early marriage is now a stable one, and dad survived his early dare-devil driving, or the dancing of the parents prior to marriage did not lead to fornication, it may seem to a teenager that such will be the case with them. But to stand idly by and say or do nothing about a course of conduct which, at best, is foolish or even wrong simply because we made similar mistakes, is folly in the extreme.

What can they say? They can say, "What we did was wrong and/or foolish. And even though things have worked out well for us in spite of what we did, that didn't make it right then and it doesn't justify you doing the same thing now. My mistakes in the past are not to serve as your excuses now. Mature people do not use the mistakes of others upon which to justify their own wrong-doing or foolishness. Let them serves as examples of what you should avoid. I love you too much to remain silent or refuse to take action." That's what we can and better say.

And, in conclusion, a word to old friends and family members whose memories are sharper than their judgment. You may think you're being humorous by reminding (or, worse, revealing to) young people about the things their parents did. But to immature youth knowledge of these indiscretions can become weapons to be used in future confrontations with parents who are having a difficult enough time as it is. So, keep your memories to yourselves and your mouths closed regarding sins and mistakes that others have made in the past.